To some people, love and marriage comes relatively easy, and is long lasting, but to others, it is one bad relationship after another.
Could it be that the love story some of us have scripted into our head is completely to blame? Perhaps so, because according to a study conducted by some relationships experts, for example, Robert J. Sternberg, (1998) the story of our ideal love life plays a major factor in why some of us find it hard to stay and maintain a long lasting relationship or marriage. Some of us have unrealistic love stories planted in our head, and like antenna, it picks up the wrong love signal for us.
The story of our life, according to Sternberg, helps us find the love of our life. He says we start forming our ideas about love soon after birth, based on our in-born personality, our early experience and our observation of our parents’ relationships as well as depictions of romantic movies, television and books. Perhaps this explains some concern, the writer of this article, like many who have not found the ideal man of their dreams, may have had. According to the writer of this article, she was one of those dreamers, whose ideal men in the past were men who looked like the men we see on Hollywood movies- like John Travolta, Blair Underwood, and Tom Cruises- but when she eventually settled in America and realize that the chances of her finding or meeting such men were slim, she began reconstructing the love story she had first formed in her head, the first time she saw John Travolta in Greece, and thought he was her typical ideal man.
Hollywood kind of romance according to Ted Huston, a pioneer in the psychology of relationships, is very unrealistic and delusional and often leads to partners expecting too much from each other. Huston also says that, “the road to divorce is inevitable when couples have unrealistic expectations.” In an experimental study, where he followed 168 couples from their wedding day through 13 years of marriage, Huston found that, although couples whose marriage bliss are particularly divorce-prone, and starts with less Hollywood romance have more promising future. And our Culture, Huston added, is to blame for perpetuating the myth of storybook romance, prompting some to feel that they ought to live the kind of love life they see on television, which in truth is very unrealistic.
Some men and ladies, as in the African community, some times have unreal love stories, about how their ideal partner must look, love and behave like. Unfortunately, because what they have implanted in their heads is based on false premise, they end up year after year meeting, falling in and out of love with the wrong kind of person. Based on research conducted by Robert J. Sternberg, people describe love in many ways, and this description reveals their love story. For example, someone who strongly believes a close relationships are like good partnerships tells a business story, and someone who says they end up with partners who scare them- or that they like intimidating their partner- enacts a horror story.
Sternberg believes couples usually start out being physically attracted and have similar interest and values. But eventually, they may notice something missing in the relationship and that something is usually story compatibility, (sternberg, 1998). According to Sternberg, couples whose stories don’t match are like two characters on stage acting out different plays- they may look right at first glance, but underneath the surface, there is an underlying lack of coordination to their interaction.
The key to compatibility with a romantic partner is whether our stories match. When our love stories do not match, this is the signal that something is amiss- and to fix it, we must be conscious of what our love stories are, then seek people with compatible tales, and perhaps replot conclusions that aren’t working for us, (Sternberg, 1998).
For comment please email author at botobo1@yahoo.com
Could it be that the love story some of us have scripted into our head is completely to blame? Perhaps so, because according to a study conducted by some relationships experts, for example, Robert J. Sternberg, (1998) the story of our ideal love life plays a major factor in why some of us find it hard to stay and maintain a long lasting relationship or marriage. Some of us have unrealistic love stories planted in our head, and like antenna, it picks up the wrong love signal for us.
The story of our life, according to Sternberg, helps us find the love of our life. He says we start forming our ideas about love soon after birth, based on our in-born personality, our early experience and our observation of our parents’ relationships as well as depictions of romantic movies, television and books. Perhaps this explains some concern, the writer of this article, like many who have not found the ideal man of their dreams, may have had. According to the writer of this article, she was one of those dreamers, whose ideal men in the past were men who looked like the men we see on Hollywood movies- like John Travolta, Blair Underwood, and Tom Cruises- but when she eventually settled in America and realize that the chances of her finding or meeting such men were slim, she began reconstructing the love story she had first formed in her head, the first time she saw John Travolta in Greece, and thought he was her typical ideal man.
Hollywood kind of romance according to Ted Huston, a pioneer in the psychology of relationships, is very unrealistic and delusional and often leads to partners expecting too much from each other. Huston also says that, “the road to divorce is inevitable when couples have unrealistic expectations.” In an experimental study, where he followed 168 couples from their wedding day through 13 years of marriage, Huston found that, although couples whose marriage bliss are particularly divorce-prone, and starts with less Hollywood romance have more promising future. And our Culture, Huston added, is to blame for perpetuating the myth of storybook romance, prompting some to feel that they ought to live the kind of love life they see on television, which in truth is very unrealistic.
Some men and ladies, as in the African community, some times have unreal love stories, about how their ideal partner must look, love and behave like. Unfortunately, because what they have implanted in their heads is based on false premise, they end up year after year meeting, falling in and out of love with the wrong kind of person. Based on research conducted by Robert J. Sternberg, people describe love in many ways, and this description reveals their love story. For example, someone who strongly believes a close relationships are like good partnerships tells a business story, and someone who says they end up with partners who scare them- or that they like intimidating their partner- enacts a horror story.
Sternberg believes couples usually start out being physically attracted and have similar interest and values. But eventually, they may notice something missing in the relationship and that something is usually story compatibility, (sternberg, 1998). According to Sternberg, couples whose stories don’t match are like two characters on stage acting out different plays- they may look right at first glance, but underneath the surface, there is an underlying lack of coordination to their interaction.
The key to compatibility with a romantic partner is whether our stories match. When our love stories do not match, this is the signal that something is amiss- and to fix it, we must be conscious of what our love stories are, then seek people with compatible tales, and perhaps replot conclusions that aren’t working for us, (Sternberg, 1998).
For comment please email author at botobo1@yahoo.com
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